There are many mornings where I wake up and ask myself: “Can I really do this?”
Especially when I’m at my most vulnerable, sat on the toilet being repeatedly smacked, slapped and screamed at!
I have never been comfortable with any sort of confrontation all my life, I’d normally walk away, but I simply can’t, I have to face it head on!
I have an awful feeling that I’m scared of my own child, I dearly love her and I find myself ridiculous for even feeling this, but I really do hate being hit.
I see her only a few seconds later playing so peacefully with a puzzle, a picture of calm and wondered why, only in those few seconds ago she was in such a rage.
I find myself like a broken record repeating the same phrases over and over, I’m sick of the sound of my own voice!
- Kind hands
- Gentle hands
- Kind words
- Quiet voice
- and CALM (which must be uttered over 100 times a day!)
I offer a variety of activities, along with Early Years experience:
- Messy play
- Water play
- Sand play
- bike, tricycle, scooter, seasaw
- Etc, etc, etc!
She still prefers wrestle her sister across the floor!
I wonder why she responds so well to an early years setting, showing no anger or frustration. I am confident to now tell myself that it’s not my parenting!
I tell myself that I’ve researched that children with SPD hold in their frustrations and anger all day and offload in the place they feel most comfortable. I know that she is emotionally attached to me in a very different way to that of practitioners in her setting, she doesn’t have to seek my approval – she is aware that I will love her and be there for her unconditionally. Its still difficult to accept but then I do tell myself:
“Actually I can, and will do this.”